Continued Part 2

It's cloudy Saturday. I woke up very late today. Pamper myself to have over sleep. Need to recharge back all the energies that been used last week. I have few topic that I would like to posting here. It's about feeling and some kind of pathetic guy. 

I've told myself not to involve in any commitment but who are we to control our feeling. I tried harder not to fall in love again. Prevent myself from not to entertain those guys with their sweet talk. Not to soften my heart to any guys out there. But the more I avoid myself the more it appear. Honestly speaking, since after my heart closed toward that psycho LPK, so many bees wanna 'stung' flower for honey. At last I fell to someone kindness. Once again I have someone else while I still with my complicated status. Sigh!! Why God? Why must I have this kind of feeling while I struggling to settle my complicated relation with AK. I've known this Teddy since school. He was my cousin's schoolmate. Younger than me few years. Geez! Why those youngster suka sangat melekat on me ar? 

But this person was so fun, friendly and the most I like about him is he is caring person and know how to make me smile all the time. I miss him right now..and I know that he miss me too. The relation still new. Both have earlier relationship that still on. I don't know lah.. I just follow the flow. I've seen and felt the emotions. And I get used with the pain. One thing for sure is, we are not in the same religion. Definitely I cant be with him forever. My family, relatives and friends would not agree on this relationship. 

This one thing about psycho, I don't know what his intention right now and I don't want to know. He is pathetic person which is using me for his desire and after what he get from me, he will use that guts to against and ruin me. I have no idea what should I do more about this person. He is such a bastard guy. He the one cheated behind me, hurts me deeply, stabbed me from behind, now then he blame me for everything. What's the point le? We've been break up since January and its been half year after the break up, he appearing again with ridiculous reason to be with me anymore. Gila what?? I am not his cloth, wear me whenever he want. Bastard ball-less. I will never be with him or even meet him as I knew very known about his intention and attitude. He may say anything he want to say but what past is past and that would never be the same again. This time I really will never come back to u LPK. You are no more in my list. What had you did to me was the most fucking darn shit and that never will be the same again lah bro. You choose Indonesian ma'am, now then what? You thought woman can easily play by you are?? Fucking shit ball-less lah!! 

Don't ever disturb me anymore else you'll great the most terrible life for the rest of your life Lau Puong Kai!

Luv~

Relief

Exam fever just ended. Felt relief but feeling nervous waiting for the result to be out on next semester. Honestly speaking, I might get worse mark for Economic subject. I should blame myself instead release out my anger to other people. Sorry I couldn't control my emotion that day. I was fucking darn day I had. With exam battle that I need to seat, then with tasks that waiting me to clean up (bloody hell tasks suddenly membukit that day), restless as I didn't shut off my eyes the night before just because for revision. And the most make me totally out of the blues is psycho pula appeared to disturb me that day. And Teddy did make my heart hurt once again. I am so depressed that day.

Sigh! I have no idea what will happen to me in future. Would I achieve my dream? I'm tired being mengalah. I'm tired being pak turut. My family will never change. Their heart too keras like metal. So I hope after my graduation, I would like to search for new job out from Sarawak. I wont success if I still living like this. I should think about myself.

... to be continue

Luv~

Emotion-less

Exam mode is on. Today was the 1st paper and tomorrow will be the last paper to attend. I'll feel relieve after that. But tonight guess I need a cup of 3 in 1 nescafe again to make my eyes awaken until morning. It's the only way to make myself fresh and do my revision. But I don't put high confidence on this semester as I don't feel I can make it. No matter how hard I force myself to memorize the notes its still back to zero. My brain not CPU which can restore every data. Some more I didn't sleep last nite and now I trying forcing myself to struggling not to sleep for another nite. Darn! I totally useless. I shouldn't force myself too much else I'll fall sick. 

How good if I can live happily without think and concern on our partner's feeling. Really tired. How will this miserable end. When will I stop being sad. I give up. I never easy give up. But I have no idea why I become so weak recently. I've involved myself with new relationship recently. How can I hook on that person? The story began, we bumped into each other in Facebook. I'm not so sure where he can see my facebook account. But I guess from my mutual friend. So he did added me in facebook and I just accept it. Nothing to worry also as I don't remember who he is. He have this kind of unique on him until make me fall in love once again. I've been promised myself not to trust love anymore. I afraid to fall in love again. Afraid I might hurt for another time. So i give a try to see how is it. Who know much better than previous relationship. I was wrong. The person do have special person, in other place. No wonder lah. I get heart broken for first time, then 2nd, then 3rd... 

I do trust and accept the 'proposal' too early without think wiser. I don't know what will happen next. 

Ok lah I must stop here as my brain starting not functioning. 

Luv~

Disaster (Part 1)

Disaster starting again. Haiz! When will all of this will end?? When?? God, do you have the answer? I bet there's no answer for that right? If so, why it still the same? I can't force my feeling to pretend or being fake to love someone that I have no more feeling toward them. Accusing me until I have no chance and space to stand up for my right. 

They know the truth about what happened around yet they still pointing their fingers to me. Mom, you are a woman. I hope that you know and understand more better about woman's feeling. Once my heart broken and the scars still there, it's totally broken! I know mom purposely make the noise so that my grandpa will come over and support her to against me. I am the victim here! The victim of the jerk!! Why you all still stand beside him instead to support your own flesh!! You people accuse me until no mercy. Scold me like I have no right to say anything. Will I happy stuck myself at home after that? Will I feel peaceful staying at home? If you all tau how to jaga my hati and respect, understand me from began, will I become like this mah?? It's still consider better that I doesn't be like other girls out there. I still remember dad's advices. Thou he no more in this world, I still respect him. 

They don't understand me. And will never want to understand me. I don't use their money for my college fee. I don't force them to give help as I know they will never sincere to help. Dah tolong main ungkit bila gaduh. What's the point you wanna give help if you not sincere on that? 

I pray hope that one day everything will be end no matter how. Amen.

Luv~