I miss him

I miss him. Miss his lips especially. Miss his face, eyes, nose, every part of him. I miss him so much. How I wish he could return back to me. I'll be the happiest person ever. Miss to hug him. I couldn't lie myself, my heart about my feeling toward him. As he's the one I love so much from my heart. Who doesn't miss their lover although there no more relation? I couldn't forget him. At this moment, he's the only person who can make me smile and happy. May be because I hasn't found any replacement of him that make me still remember him. 

I shouldn't met him that day day. I hold tight my heart and stick on my decision not to meet him but I couldn't stop my heart not to see him. He did sms-es me non-stop for a week. I know what he want from me. I just don't want he treat me just like his Indon's maid as I am not Indonesian level. But I ended by meeting him that night and we just chit chat in the car. I felt awkward, may be because didn't see each other for so long. Within that period, I can forget him but he appeared once again in front of me, in my heart, I started re-flash back the moment we have been together. Now I miss him so much but I don't even dare to contact him, not once. Am I ego? It's not because ego. I wanted him to know that I love him so much, seriously. I want he know his mistake by doing it to me. Want he realized how hurt I am because of him. 

The night I met him, he do look different. Different than usually. He's getting thin. And does look ugly. His face, I can see through his eyes that he is in such 'a lot of questions to himself'. Is that what he said will loyal to his Indon's bitch? Should I pity on him to choose that Indon bitch? I never force him to choose that bitch. He, himself welcomed the problem. What's good Indonesian girl or I can say aunt? Older than me lagi tu. Then controlling him for everything. Uh huh.. serve you right Ah Kai. That's your choice. I've been so nice and kind to you and sacrifice myself and don't even care about myself. But well, you never will see that. I pretended to be happy that night because I don't want you to know how I still in hurt and pain. I enjoy, happy hours with friends but it doesn't work on me. I mix with those male friends, some approached me to be their partner, but I don't feel I can accept them, at this moment. 

What ever it is. I hope and wish, he will understand and open his eyes wider and realized that everything changed just with once word, BREAK UP. And by the time he realized that I wasn't lie him about my feeling, it's too late to turn over. Too late ...

You'll be in my heart forever.

Luv