Continued Part 2

It's cloudy Saturday. I woke up very late today. Pamper myself to have over sleep. Need to recharge back all the energies that been used last week. I have few topic that I would like to posting here. It's about feeling and some kind of pathetic guy. 

I've told myself not to involve in any commitment but who are we to control our feeling. I tried harder not to fall in love again. Prevent myself from not to entertain those guys with their sweet talk. Not to soften my heart to any guys out there. But the more I avoid myself the more it appear. Honestly speaking, since after my heart closed toward that psycho LPK, so many bees wanna 'stung' flower for honey. At last I fell to someone kindness. Once again I have someone else while I still with my complicated status. Sigh!! Why God? Why must I have this kind of feeling while I struggling to settle my complicated relation with AK. I've known this Teddy since school. He was my cousin's schoolmate. Younger than me few years. Geez! Why those youngster suka sangat melekat on me ar? 

But this person was so fun, friendly and the most I like about him is he is caring person and know how to make me smile all the time. I miss him right now..and I know that he miss me too. The relation still new. Both have earlier relationship that still on. I don't know lah.. I just follow the flow. I've seen and felt the emotions. And I get used with the pain. One thing for sure is, we are not in the same religion. Definitely I cant be with him forever. My family, relatives and friends would not agree on this relationship. 

This one thing about psycho, I don't know what his intention right now and I don't want to know. He is pathetic person which is using me for his desire and after what he get from me, he will use that guts to against and ruin me. I have no idea what should I do more about this person. He is such a bastard guy. He the one cheated behind me, hurts me deeply, stabbed me from behind, now then he blame me for everything. What's the point le? We've been break up since January and its been half year after the break up, he appearing again with ridiculous reason to be with me anymore. Gila what?? I am not his cloth, wear me whenever he want. Bastard ball-less. I will never be with him or even meet him as I knew very known about his intention and attitude. He may say anything he want to say but what past is past and that would never be the same again. This time I really will never come back to u LPK. You are no more in my list. What had you did to me was the most fucking darn shit and that never will be the same again lah bro. You choose Indonesian ma'am, now then what? You thought woman can easily play by you are?? Fucking shit ball-less lah!! 

Don't ever disturb me anymore else you'll great the most terrible life for the rest of your life Lau Puong Kai!

Luv~

Relief

Exam fever just ended. Felt relief but feeling nervous waiting for the result to be out on next semester. Honestly speaking, I might get worse mark for Economic subject. I should blame myself instead release out my anger to other people. Sorry I couldn't control my emotion that day. I was fucking darn day I had. With exam battle that I need to seat, then with tasks that waiting me to clean up (bloody hell tasks suddenly membukit that day), restless as I didn't shut off my eyes the night before just because for revision. And the most make me totally out of the blues is psycho pula appeared to disturb me that day. And Teddy did make my heart hurt once again. I am so depressed that day.

Sigh! I have no idea what will happen to me in future. Would I achieve my dream? I'm tired being mengalah. I'm tired being pak turut. My family will never change. Their heart too keras like metal. So I hope after my graduation, I would like to search for new job out from Sarawak. I wont success if I still living like this. I should think about myself.

... to be continue

Luv~

Emotion-less

Exam mode is on. Today was the 1st paper and tomorrow will be the last paper to attend. I'll feel relieve after that. But tonight guess I need a cup of 3 in 1 nescafe again to make my eyes awaken until morning. It's the only way to make myself fresh and do my revision. But I don't put high confidence on this semester as I don't feel I can make it. No matter how hard I force myself to memorize the notes its still back to zero. My brain not CPU which can restore every data. Some more I didn't sleep last nite and now I trying forcing myself to struggling not to sleep for another nite. Darn! I totally useless. I shouldn't force myself too much else I'll fall sick. 

How good if I can live happily without think and concern on our partner's feeling. Really tired. How will this miserable end. When will I stop being sad. I give up. I never easy give up. But I have no idea why I become so weak recently. I've involved myself with new relationship recently. How can I hook on that person? The story began, we bumped into each other in Facebook. I'm not so sure where he can see my facebook account. But I guess from my mutual friend. So he did added me in facebook and I just accept it. Nothing to worry also as I don't remember who he is. He have this kind of unique on him until make me fall in love once again. I've been promised myself not to trust love anymore. I afraid to fall in love again. Afraid I might hurt for another time. So i give a try to see how is it. Who know much better than previous relationship. I was wrong. The person do have special person, in other place. No wonder lah. I get heart broken for first time, then 2nd, then 3rd... 

I do trust and accept the 'proposal' too early without think wiser. I don't know what will happen next. 

Ok lah I must stop here as my brain starting not functioning. 

Luv~

Disaster (Part 1)

Disaster starting again. Haiz! When will all of this will end?? When?? God, do you have the answer? I bet there's no answer for that right? If so, why it still the same? I can't force my feeling to pretend or being fake to love someone that I have no more feeling toward them. Accusing me until I have no chance and space to stand up for my right. 

They know the truth about what happened around yet they still pointing their fingers to me. Mom, you are a woman. I hope that you know and understand more better about woman's feeling. Once my heart broken and the scars still there, it's totally broken! I know mom purposely make the noise so that my grandpa will come over and support her to against me. I am the victim here! The victim of the jerk!! Why you all still stand beside him instead to support your own flesh!! You people accuse me until no mercy. Scold me like I have no right to say anything. Will I happy stuck myself at home after that? Will I feel peaceful staying at home? If you all tau how to jaga my hati and respect, understand me from began, will I become like this mah?? It's still consider better that I doesn't be like other girls out there. I still remember dad's advices. Thou he no more in this world, I still respect him. 

They don't understand me. And will never want to understand me. I don't use their money for my college fee. I don't force them to give help as I know they will never sincere to help. Dah tolong main ungkit bila gaduh. What's the point you wanna give help if you not sincere on that? 

I pray hope that one day everything will be end no matter how. Amen.

Luv~

Disaster again~

I feeling unwell today. Maybe because of too exhausted and weak mind. Too many things to think since after he back. How I wish he would not return home. He's disaster for my life. It's obviously that I am much happier when he is not around. I can laugh, happy, cheerful, smile and so peaceful mind. I don't know when this mess will stop from hurting me. I am so darn tired for being humble with those un-thankful people.

Why? Why must it be like this? Isn't life suppose to be happy? Not that I wanted to be perfect but at least I feel happy with my own choice of life I wanted to have. Is that hard? It happened again last night when he acting like he is the better from everything. I mean, he love to instruct me to do everything while he never appreciate me as a woman. Why most of the men nowadays love to measure their relationship with money?? I know money are important but can they not to think for being selfish about money, sometimes? 

Mom, the another problem. She is a mother to a daughter, which is me, I thought she would understand me. But it doesn't work as she never respect and accept me as her real daughter. She's not even helping her daughter when I need her the most. Why must she acting like she doesn't care when it come to my problem and only she will 'kepo' when its come to her own advantage; eg money matter, want to know any info about him that she can 'keep' as her method to against me. Like what happened yesterday. She's a mother whom only will be nice to anyone that she like, ONLY. Her relatives. So whoever being friend to me, she will never accept them no matter how nice they are. For her, they are bad friends whom influence me to be a bad person. Oh God. Forgive my mom and open her heart for being kind and generous in everything. Forgive my family for being too selfish to others. 

I dislike the way she acting for being fake in front of everyone while showing how 'bad' I am in front others. So definitely everyone will think that she is a good mother while I am the bad daughter. When brother in offshore, she automatic will be so nice to me, its just like there's never will be problem. I don't know why mom have to act that way. She have guts to pull down her own bleed; daughter while she so concern and care the most to her son. Am I her real daughter? Why must being selfish? Why must being so ego? Why must being so cruel? Stop treating me like this mom. I am so painful, painful enough to go on through this way. 

How I wish daddy were here. How I wish he would listen to my sadness and tears. How I wish he could see everything. How I wish he could hand his hand to me. Daddy, where are you? I couldn't see you. Must be you are together with God and being an angel. How good if daddy can be an angel to me. I miss you dad. Miss you so much. 

xoxo

Back!

I'm back. Sorry for being MIA. Away for so long and didn't get the chance to blog as I frequently blog on my other blogspot. A lot of thing to share while I away since last month. Posting which is I remember jer lah yer.. 

Gawai already passed. Nothing special on Gawai festival as I didn't back to mom's village for celebration this year. So I ended up my holidays just in Miri. Then on the 4th of June, I have ladies day night with my long losting friends. Had happy hours until 4am and I stayed outside on that night. It was fun thou in short time but I am happy. Oh ya.. before that, that jerk did wish me Happy Gawai on the 1st June. I was surprised that he still 'alive'. LoL. Ingat dah mampus tak ingat me anymore. But I didn't wish he contact me anymore as I doesn't want see his face anymore. Bila sms, no other topic other than sex. I get fad up with this person. He requested to meet me up. That few days I didn't layan his text until the day he get to knock my head to meet him again. What was that? Is that love? But I don't love him anymore. What the hell...! I met him and I felt awkward. It's been so long since after the incident he dumped me so mean. He totally different now. I mean he look so terrible. Yeah.. macam Indon juga. Ada hati want me back? Huh uh.. sorry lah. I am so happy with my current life and I don't need to look back again. He disturbing me until today and I am so stress with him. I don't understand why he still wana appear in front of me. He dumped me and now he want me?? Say miss me? Miss head you! Can't get Indon pussy now gatal wanna get free sex from me ar?

It's already in June and I did some changes on me. I pierced my nose and I'm loving it. Then I using color lenses again. Now then I changed my hair color. Next will be target for new phone and shopping for next trip to KL. And the berani plan will be tattoo! I wanna make tattoo. Hehe.. Well, I sound happy as I get my result for previous exam. I get good result! So might do some shopping later. Woo~ wooo~ 

See you guys again in next blog~

Luv~

Happy Mother's Day to my mom

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

Mother was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. Although the relation between me and mom often misunderstanding to each other, she’s still my mother, thou. No matter what she is the only one I have in the world. And no one could replace her. I look back on my childhood and thank the stars above. For everything you gave me, a mother that taking care for the whole family. She’s the great mother I have thou she not the perfect mother but I accept her as what she is. Everything happened for reason. Right after Dad gone, she have her own reason why she act more aggressive than before. She’s lonely without a husband whom she love the most. Mother: the most beautiful word on the lips of mankind. The greatest thing she’d learned over the years is that there's no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.

A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home. So for men out there, do appreciate women please. The Miracle of Life nurtured by a woman who gave us love and sacrifice. I know how mom treat me since before but I never put it in my heart as she is a mother to me and it’s not something that I should revenge but to give more love toward her. She know more better about her children than other people do.

Mother, I love you so much and please forgive each mistake and hurts that I ever did to u. And I forgiven you and that will still loving you forever no matter how. I know I am not a good daughter as what you want your child to be. It’s normal for a mother being ‘kepo’ on hers children’s matters. But sometimes mom does too much over the limit for that. Mom shouldn’t too much involved in personal life which is not supposed to share with. Sound harsh uh..hehe.. Anyway, I often prays for her health and happiness and wish her being understanding person ever.

 A mother’s work is never done. She works from morning until dawn. She spreads her love and keeps you warm but only once a year we say Mother we wish you “Happy Mothers Day”. So let’s give a huge warm hug and tell her that we do love and appreciate her as a mother to us.

I love you, mom! I do! No matter how is going on between us, I still love you.

And for all mommies out there, Happy Mother’s Day!~ Especially my best gorgeous loving friends, Sophie and mommy wana be, Eng. And not to forget the other mommies followers in my blog. Have a great Mother’s Day.

Okie everyone..need start my day with a smile and couldn’t wait to try my new lenses; purple color this time! Woo woo~ Mengancam eyes babes!

xoxo

My weekend

Spent my time hang out with my dear Eng Eng today. I cut my fore hair but I don't really happy with the result. It's doesn't what I wanted to have. It's ok then..it's just front hair. Will grow faster again. Be patience. But I do look young girl with new style. *blush* After done with salon, we head ourselves to Pizza Hut to have our lunch-tea break. WTF darn hungry! One thing I dislike about Pizza Hut Miri, their service really suck! Me and Eng Eng loves to eat pizza but then every time we have to wait almost half an hour to make an order! What the.. I don't understand what happen to this people. Are they trained to be nerd or standing there for customer view saja? Luckily lah I am a type who really can be much patience. (Angin bagus mah..try when angin tak bagus, confirm 'burning' that place) How ever their service suck, we still be fan to Pizza Hut, because we do like to eat pizza! ;)

After we had our lunch-tea break, we walk around shopping complex, look see look see around. Wanted to buy hair band but didn't found attractive hairband. So end up got nothing there. Today Parkson so crowded because of mini concert and few functions. From the crowded place, my eyes attracted to someone, handsome guy, look perfect to me. I've seen many guys, every where and I even dare see straight away in to their eyes. But this person, does make me felt uncomfortable and I don't even dare to see him when he caught me from watching him. How I wish to have that type of person. I get frustrated with 2 guys in my life. Am I deserve kena treat like an animal meh?? Well, it just a dream. For entertainment aje..cuci mata. :p We continue to full up stomach with sushi. We head our selves to Sushi King. While we happily having our sushi, we did made some side order, have been waiting for sushi that we wanted to eat and keep on monitoring the roller but yet we didn't see what we wanted. So that's why we made an order but then we heard one of the staff 'menyindir' us because we didn't see the sushi that we ordered. WTF! The sushi was at another roller dude! How do you expect customer to walk around to get what we want to eat?! Stupid idiot. I order pun I bayar ok! I pay for your earn! No wonder lah Sushi King, Miri always get bad comments. Service suck than Pizza Hut!

Another story is.. about sex maniac, Ah Kai. I accidentally saw his facebook profile while I searching friend's name. I was shocked and heart pain, honestly. He could dare to post his picture with that Indon bitch for everyone view. Oh please lah.. if ang mo girl kah, local girl kah, people wont laugh de. Ini Indonesian bitch a.k.a Indon aunty pula you nak show off ke? Right few minutes after I saw the photo, I laugh out loud. It's seriously darn shame. He should ashamed for showing the photo but never mind lah..both are matched. The sex maniac guy, serupa gigolo, and the bitch serupa mak ayam. Wakakakaka! Opps! Not only me who did comment on both rascal oh. Finally you got Indon maid for your mom. Apa class lah.. what lauya taste..(that's what you ever said to me before) You deserve it Ah Kai. That's your level lor. Karma mahh..Thank you~

Ok until here then..it's late at night already. And I need to get myself a good rest. Continuing on tomorrow activities. Hunting~ Night everyone~ smile~

Luv

I feel so terrible

Irritating nose! I having flu for the whole day and my nose look so rounded like a clown. I afraid fall sick. Sore throat, running nose, fever, menses pain, asthma, ohh my.. I really falling sick. I took half day sick leave today and have no idea if I can wake up to work tomorrow. Yea. I still can blog while I sick.. laying down also can typing oh. Don't look down on me. :p I just woke up and don't know what should I do so I just on my laptop and online here. 

Went to clinic just now and doctor did gave me several of medicines. Geez! I hate medicines. At this moment, I miss someone. He love to care me when I fallen sick. He will get worried if he found out I get sick. I miss the way he care me. How I wish if he is around right now. I have no one to care me. He now freely enjoy with his new life while I suffering because of him. Will he considerate and concern on what he did? The answer is no. He is heartless type of person. Have no mercy toward others. He only praising someone that he loving right now, Indon bitch! When ever he find me, there's no other topic than sex. What should we do with this such of person? He anytime can ask for sex with his ex-girlfriend while he loving and praising his girlfriend. This is what he did to me last time when we still in relation. He lied on me for a year with that slut and now he doing the same to her. 

I hope someday, he will get punishment on what he did to me. To other women too. He is deserved to be punish.

Have to stop here. Couldn't stick longer looking on the screen. Need to take rest again. Hopefully will recover before the functions.

Luv

Relaxing

I was thought today is Sunday. LOL. Maybe because it's feel like Sunday. It's windy day. Woke up early today as I starting does not feeling well. Having sore throat. Sigh! I hate when I kena sore throat. I couldn't eat anything I want especially spicy and sweet things. Scare to fall sick as I hate to see doctor. I rather just step in to pharmarchy and get myself the medicines. I have to take a break from smoking until I recover from sick (if I can tahan not to smoke, it's become my habit now). 

I have no plan today as I just watching my Korean dramas. But then my mouth couldn't stop from chewing. Geez! But it's good then. I can gaining weight and get back my shape. Oh yea.. btw, I saw someone that I familiar with yesterday when I was hang out with my gorgeous. Unexpected can bumped in to the person in the middle crowded place. She was starred at me, might to recalled who I am. Yes I bet she remember me. I was waiting to see what will happen after she saw me. But nothing happen. I thought she will approach me and ask me some sort of questions. I ain't got nothing to scare of. Why should I scare? It's not my fault anyway. I didn't do anything wrong to her son if she act harshly to me. She should know more about her son, on what he did to me. To a woman as her. Why didn't approach me? Must be your son did told and said anything to you about me? Aren't it obviously your son acting so good in front his parents but the fact he is an animal when come to women matter? 

I love your son badly since the day I met him. I never felt in love that strong although I ever frustrated before. I sacrificed myself to your son as we do love each other before. He brought me back home not because I want it. Your son often brought me home ONLY for one REASON. You should know better than me. Why after get what he want for many years now he just left a trash? My pride? What about my pride? Something that he can thrown like that? I bet there a lot of thing he had been told you just to cover his actual intention uh. Like how he lied everyone. I guessed he will tell only the truth when he did the huge mistake, someday. By that time, everything is too late to turn back. I've been so nice to him but he never appreciate me but to assumed and embarrassing me through internet. How will I count on that? How would he clean and clear my name? No he couldn't do anything about that. He is just a stupid idiot guy I've ever known. Male slut! Sex maniac! I am not that cheap for him to insult. I am not a slut like those bitches he did fuck. Not the same as Indonesian bitch he bowing like a queen. I'm not Indonesian maid too. Your son even said will not meet me again since we broke up last Jan but then, yet he still need my pussy! Is that your son? Lau Puong Kai. Is that the right person to be a man? What the hell is he doing? No humanity at all. Why I'm doing this? Why I acting like this? Anyone who are smart by using their brain, they know of WHY I become like this.

Geez! Why should I ruining my mood with this jerk? A jerk stays as a jerk. Ok then.. I better stop then. Need to do something after this. 

Luv

I miss him

I miss him. Miss his lips especially. Miss his face, eyes, nose, every part of him. I miss him so much. How I wish he could return back to me. I'll be the happiest person ever. Miss to hug him. I couldn't lie myself, my heart about my feeling toward him. As he's the one I love so much from my heart. Who doesn't miss their lover although there no more relation? I couldn't forget him. At this moment, he's the only person who can make me smile and happy. May be because I hasn't found any replacement of him that make me still remember him. 

I shouldn't met him that day day. I hold tight my heart and stick on my decision not to meet him but I couldn't stop my heart not to see him. He did sms-es me non-stop for a week. I know what he want from me. I just don't want he treat me just like his Indon's maid as I am not Indonesian level. But I ended by meeting him that night and we just chit chat in the car. I felt awkward, may be because didn't see each other for so long. Within that period, I can forget him but he appeared once again in front of me, in my heart, I started re-flash back the moment we have been together. Now I miss him so much but I don't even dare to contact him, not once. Am I ego? It's not because ego. I wanted him to know that I love him so much, seriously. I want he know his mistake by doing it to me. Want he realized how hurt I am because of him. 

The night I met him, he do look different. Different than usually. He's getting thin. And does look ugly. His face, I can see through his eyes that he is in such 'a lot of questions to himself'. Is that what he said will loyal to his Indon's bitch? Should I pity on him to choose that Indon bitch? I never force him to choose that bitch. He, himself welcomed the problem. What's good Indonesian girl or I can say aunt? Older than me lagi tu. Then controlling him for everything. Uh huh.. serve you right Ah Kai. That's your choice. I've been so nice and kind to you and sacrifice myself and don't even care about myself. But well, you never will see that. I pretended to be happy that night because I don't want you to know how I still in hurt and pain. I enjoy, happy hours with friends but it doesn't work on me. I mix with those male friends, some approached me to be their partner, but I don't feel I can accept them, at this moment. 

What ever it is. I hope and wish, he will understand and open his eyes wider and realized that everything changed just with once word, BREAK UP. And by the time he realized that I wasn't lie him about my feeling, it's too late to turn over. Too late ...

You'll be in my heart forever.

Luv

Random

Life is wonderful, but it can be suck when we, ourselves turn it in to worst situation. Each individual have their own way how to make their life more wonderful than others. Some of them willing to struggle so hard and never give up to achieve for a better life. While others could use different way to achieve their goal. While me have nothing to show off, I use my soul, brain and body to achieve my goals.

Envy. Why should we feel envy for others? The emotion of envy are common sense to everyone. I envy myself. Envy why I couldn't be better. I envy when the time the strength come across but I just let it passing by without stop and use it carefully. I envy on something that I couldn't have while I struggle so hard for it. Although I envy about myself but there are some people who envy on my serba kekurangan punya life. Funny. They would judge and turn my life up side down just because of too envy and wanted to be like me. I don't mind to be their idol for everything but not to mess with me. My pleasure for those who wanna copy right my style. But what make me uncomfortable and piss off is when some people just get jealous / envy on what I have and what I am doing. Or more easy to say, envy on who I am. Come on.. get a life! Anybody can be anyone as they wanted to be. I follow on what my mind say. I be my own selves. I don't need to be like anyone else. I struggled for what I have. Bukan jatuh dari langit pun.

Decided to continue my pending study is the right decision. I have reason for that. At first of cos because of someone who I ever love. Just to improve myself that I am capable to be a better person for him in the future. But then it turn to be worthless as he didn't see everything about me. Other reason is for myself. I need 'something' to guarantee my life in the future. That is what my beloved Daddy wanted to see before. To see his daughter to be someone successful. He ever said, knowledge is not sin. Nothing to loss to learning more. Someday, I'll show and prove to Daddy that his daughter BOLEH! With God willing. For sure I wont just stop until stage one. I'll be on upper stage further. I wanted to be successful person no matter in what profession. Willing to share every knowledge that I know to anyone who need it. Why should be stingy? Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. I hope someday, I can do something that make myself proud to be who I am. Age and the look is not the problem to success. For what I am now, I wanted to be the first to be success. To show to the world that someone with this look/ form can be proud in the future. I never give up in everything I want. Life is wonderful and I grab every opportunities to make it more wonderful for me. Why should I be sad for someone that never will understand what's the meaning of life? Tiada rugi nye.

However, first battle just end. So now waiting for the result and looking forward for new battles. I know I can do it! This is for my haters, I love all of you, so much. No matter what you wanna do to ruin me, it's just NOTHING to me because my life is only for myself. Hate me more will encourage you to be yourself. Love me then.. at least you know how to appreciate yourself ~ 

Got to go~ enjoy my night~

Luv

Finally, she gave up!

Well hell yea.. now you know what type of person I am uh. You simply pijak my tail and say NO SORRY uh. You mocked me inside your blog and cursed everyone you dislikes then now you jilat back my kaki. Who do you think you are? President's daughter? I wont just sit down if there's people who cari pasal with me first. As I tak cari pasal but pasal yang cari I dulu. She knew that I'm not in the good mood lately. She pula buat hal that I have no idea what make she jadi gila like that. 

And what a surprised one morning, she pop up in front of me, in front of my tables and talk to me. What make it funny is, she asked me if I still mad on her. Well, honestly, I looked in to you just like half tiang punya orang. You have no mercy cursed everyone who have no problem with you. Then you mocked them like you are the only staff who working so hard but the fact is you are no different than others. How if all of them (who you did cursed) curse you, right in front of you face? I bet you will get mad until you throw everything yea. I have no idea what category you are. After what had you did, I felt like I don't know you at all. 1 year, you can be someone that so kind to everyone, and you can changed so drastic. Just the same as someone that I known very well, changed so drastic. Uh huh.. No need to mention here. That someone know who I referring to. 

So this Ms. Frog (yea I did created nick name for her as she loves to cursed people become frog), she even ask me to swear on the name of Noty (my adorable dog) if I never mad on her. Gila! I thought I know only one person who is insane, but I got another one pula insane. Sigh! However, don't let I fuck off with her again. Else, rambut lurus straighten dia tu habis I gunting nanti. She finally admitted she did mocked me in her blog. She thought I not dare to slap her ar?? How it feel le? I even dare tegur senior student at college just because she park her car at the passing way. Goody of me is no more guai guai. People mess with me first, I give much spicy mess for return.That's me. Who should I blame too? Someone ...

Forgiveness? Will they changed after we forgive them? No. Not at all. Forgiveness for them just nothing. I wish (since so long I didn't use word of 'wish') God will punish those who did something to me. Anyway, I love my haters.

Luv

First battle ended!

It's been few days I didn't update my blog. Quite busy for my revision. Seems I have a lot to share with. :) Miss my blog~

Felt relief! The last battle just ended today. Thanks God that I can gone through all papers without worry. But then the percentage to get higher pointer, quite low. Anyway, I'm confident enough that I'll pass. Hehe! Nothing is impossible right? Luckily I get higher mark on my midterm exam. So at least can support lah sikit. However, I'll show to someone that I am capable to be successful person in future and by that time, he will regret for letting me go. Well, like I care? Nahh..

Now I'm looking forward for next semester. Huhu.. Next mission will be something that I wont miss up. At the mean time, everyone seems in planning of some plans to release out the stresses. Can't wait for my trip to visit few places this year. It's time to buzz out! Few months coming, all I need now is be a little bit patience. 

Luv

No more forgiveness for you.

To say a word of SORRY doesn't work on me anymore. What's the point to ask for apologize?? Could you turn back time after you ask for apologize? Would your apologize will make everything back to normal? Would SORRY can cure the scars, stop the bleeding, and the most is can your SORRY change the sorrow to colorful rainbows again? You couldn't right? So why should I accept your apologize? I am not forgiven person, ONLY to jerks. Wanna your forgiveness so that you wouldn't get 'unlucky' life? Ask from God. Temptations is every where, and that will teach you a lesson about nature of life. I'm not talking bullshit if I don't get really in sorrow. 

Until forever, no forgiveness for you as what you did is more than suicide. Else, none of woman will ruin themselves just because of men, majority. Loyalty uh? You are so confidence at early stage about loyalty in relationship, yet you cheated on those women you destroyed. People who love only once in their lives are ...shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination. No point to say loyalty while you still with your 'selfish sex-maniac attitude'. However, you did so many sins, will nature just forget about that? Some how, you didn't believe / trust in God. 

He who does not feel his girl to be the world to him, does not deserve that the world should hear of him. No matter who the 'unlucky' girl to be with him in future, will get the same sorrow too, for the rest of their generation. Yea.. I am a bad person, he made me become this. SORRY doesn't work on me. Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice. The best things in life are never rationed. Friendship, loyalty, love do not require coupons. Put down? Have you realize / notice how many times I gave chances to you for that many years? Have you open your eyes wider to see how many times I put down to trust you again, every time you came back to me? You come and leave whenever you want without think how I felt. Can I see another woe, and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another grief, and not seek for kind relief? No! I am enjoying every minutes I have, now. Enjoying to see how 'lucky' is your life until your next generation. 

Don't ask forgiveness from me, anymore. I've given too much forgiveness until you never appreciate it. What's comes around WILL goes around. Chaos!~

You made me do this.

Luv

Don't simply spit every where

Exam will be held tomorrow. Oh my.. I do feel nervous! It's final exam what.. Huhu.. May God bless me and give me strength to go through it with peaceful mind. I know I can do it! Nothing is impossible. This is the time to show my ability and prove that I can stand up on my own foot! Any temptations that comes will be my challenges in my life. I working hard for future. 

For those who ever cursed, mocked, insulted, humiliated, judged or so on, however I still who I am. I know that someday, every shit you all ever gave, it will turn back to all of you. Aren't I suit to be an angel? :)

Something that unexpected terjadi since few days ago. He (jerk) has been looked for me until today. Ask a favor from me. Sorry dude, I am no longer yours. It's done! Finish! Tamat! The end! You did slapped your own lips, dude. I am happy with my current life and I don't need you to be my 'rubbish'. Although the scars remains, you will regret the most to hurts me deeply, indeed. What's comes around will goes around. Remember that. I gave so much chances to all of you to correct the mistake but it's doesn't work uh..? So it's out of my control if someday God will take everything what's belong to you on earth.

Okie back to study time!

Luv

Karma

It's Saturday! I thought today was Sunday. LOL. Today was great, in other meaning of GREAT, I caught by flu for the whole day. How good is that. Spoiled my day. But then I do look cute and sexy today. Hihi.. Look so dull since past few months. Now then the real of me are coming back. I went to Eng's house today. To do my revision. The only place that I can fully focus to my study. I cant focus when I am at home, not because of the entertainment stuffs, but I can't focus when mom often disturb me for unnecessary matters. 

Well, it's not the focal point of the story for today. It is about Ms. Froggy. She's seems been stopped from 'hitting' her nuclear. But what a surprise for today's blog, she posted something that opposite. Now then she turning her satellite to the management on her unsatisfied job. Geez! Something wrong with this girl. A day ago she 'barking' like a crazy dog. Now then she yelling like a crazy woman. I think she really need psychologist. She need a life to make her be useful-brain person. Or might be she afraid that I might do something on her. Let me tell you here girl, you are just a little girl to me and you are nothing at all. Ruin your life? Just a clip of moment, I can make your life disaster. But I wont do that until you release your nuclear first. My motto, don't ever mess with me. Once you start, you definitely couldn't turn back time. You spoiled everyone in your blog for no mercy, cursed everyone who are kind and nice to you. But then you just return their goodness by cursing them. What a nice... your parents tak ajar you about morality ar? Jahat jahat I, I don't even dare to curse anyone as bad as you are. 

You still young to judge anyone around. It's still long way for you to learning. I believe in karma. What comes around will goes around. I've seen a lot of scenarios and experienced a  lot of things. What else to say, I still learning too. The more we 'merendahkan diri', the more we can learn. I never ask for their return to the kindness I did to them. Appreciate that I want the most. We don't know what we can find in the future. Like someone that I ever love so much. It's been more than couple of weeks I purposely didn't contact him and I was surprised when I received one SMS from him, 'What you want?'. I was 'uhh??'. It's sound like I'm the one go cari him pula. He have been looked for me for 3 days including today. I know for what reason he is looking for me. Of cos for free-sex-service. What he thought I am?? Don't think that I can't live without you. Now then I feel peaceful without you around. 4 Months is more than enough to taught me about sadness and miserable that you ever gave. However, the scars remain. Do you still remember what have you said before? You can tahan not to have sex with anyone for 2 - 3 months. Uh huhh... (I was cynic smile when I think back on what you have said) 2 Weeks sudah tidak tahan. Well, you get used to f**k with 30 - 50 bux pussy. So, just get it from them. Oh ya.. Aren't you said, you got a wife? Why still wana get outsider's pussy? Indon girl's pussy tak nyaman ar? LMAO!! You deserved it! Karma~

Luv

Forgiveness (for Ms. Froggy)

Forgiveness is the best way to forget everything. I've decided to forgive her for what she's doing. Although she is not my comparison (she's seems a little girl to me), nothing to worry about. What she can do other than mumbling like she's perfect inside her blog le? Yeah everyone does make mistake what..she's lucky that she's given by God a good brain. 

My temper just about to explode when I saw on what she did wrote on her blog for today. Tak sedar diri sangat lah this girl. She thought she have her 'laki', so she doesn't care if she doesn't need others. Tsk tsk tsk! Something wrong with her. There's another person on the same boat as her.. my HR. This andartu tak sedar diri also. What a terrible thing about her is, she have no mercy or I can say heartless whenever she in the situation that need she to act as a 'superwoman' and showing her 'ngiao ji' skills in front everybody. What the ...

Ms. Froggy love being alone in the office. Acting like she's so rajin in front those management. Some more pretending she likes her tasks so much but the facts is she keep on mocking those people from behind. Cheap way uhh.. HYPOCRITE. I am not perfect but my kindness always be the problem between friendship. Well, I might reduce my attitude which is being 'so kind' to everyone. If you dare dear Ms. Froggy, just confront me. Let's see how far you can be 'ngiao ji' le. Apa you nak compare about me? A house? At least I don't live in wooden house. A car? I own a car. You? Tumpang kesenangan 'laki' jak. Apa yang bagus about you? Proud with your tasks that you hate so much? Proud to have a boyfriend uh? Orang lain bercinta juga. Tak juga 'gambong' until need you to judge others. Look yourself onto mirror first dear. Else you gonna slap your own mouth. That's what often happen to those who ever do the same thing you are doing now. What you have I can have too. I have most all of your stuffs earlier than you. So what else you can compete me? Just one thing, you not dare to confront me as you know that you the one started it first. As you knowing, I am a type who wont disturb your life if you doesn't start it first. Easy, take it or leave it!

Luv

It's just a glass! Not a diamond. Fake!! Booooo!!

Some people, we thought a nice and kind person, but the fact is they are the most disgust type of person. There's a girl who I never expected to be a stabber could stabbed me from behind for no reason that I have no clue until today. She was someone that I respect the most, she's kind and nice person since a year ago. I couldn't believe she have guts mocking me inside her blog. What's wrong with you girl?! What I did wrong to you? Tell me! Don't simply judge me. You know what type of person I am. If you doesn't feel happy with me, just say so. No need being so rude and so pathetic by cursing everyone on your blog. I know its democratic country. Well, why the hell you scare to type down my name on your blog? Democratic uh? Afraid I'll sue you ar? You seems so daring mocking me, why don't you show your 'power' in front of my face? That's baru lah ngam! Let's see how far you can do that. I ain't got nothing to scare as I don't do anything bad to you. Did I? 

Well, you use your blog just to get attention right? And acting being nice and 'rajin' in front of everyone? Let me tell you something here, whenever you got the chance to find and view my blog, no one happy with your attitude dear. It's been a year, we've been working under the same roof, and what I heard more about you is something not good. But what I did? I've told them you are such a nice person. From what I've seen since last few months, you seems different. Suka hati you jer nak sumpah orang. Suka hati you jak nak marah orang. Stress uh? If you doesn't like your current job, you are freely to go mah.. isn't it democratic country?? What's the point you keep on complaining about everyone and comparing your tasks and not happy with your pay? You may cabut from that company mah... no body halang you pun.

I am bad person..but how daring I am, I use my brain and heart to see the situation without hurting other people's feeling. For example, I didn't curse anyone that I dislikes. I forgive them and let God determine their sins. But might it use to be you cursing everyone you hate, as you have no religion (it's not because the person are Christian, Muslim or other religions but it's individual attitude problem you should change). Everyone does mistake, so do you. If you are not happy with me, take it or leave it! I don't bother to be kind on such a ngiao ji type of person. I know that you don't need anyone other than your 'laki'. Don't be so action ok. No one perfect so do you. Be thankful on what you have now. Don't ruin it by your own mistake.

One thing is, do look yourself on mirror dear. Is that you can be as you are today by cursing others? I really hate someone play on 'curse' word. As you know, what's come around will goes around. I didn't use your money pun. So why should I scare le? I makan pun guna duit sendiri. I shopping pun tak minta you pay for it. I still can afford what. Did I 'mengemis' your money? I bought watch which cost me more than RM300, not one but more than one, did I show off meh? Did I ask for your money to get branded stuffs mah? I bought branded shoes which is cost me more than RM300 also, did I tell the whole world mah? Baru now I mentioning it just because you love to compare yourself with others. What ever it is... you have your own specialty / personality, so do I. I am good enough not to ruin your periuk nasi oh. Don't mess with me. We're doing different tasks everyday, either I'm free or not, it's non of your business. 

"Keep on viewing my blog for more updates about yourself! Alright people, since the world is going crazy now, I think I wouldn't want to miss that chance as well." Well, well, well, we'll see how far you can go. You stepped on wrong tail Ms. Froggy (oh..aren't you love to curse people to become a frog?) LMAO! I lam aughing when I'm thinking about it. Funny what.. Muka tak lah cantik sangat. Nak kata kaya, kaya lebih dari kau pula aku ni. Cuma... aku tak sebusuk kau nak menyumpah and membanding kehidupan orang lain. Ya lahh.. you jer yang pandai. Ambil lah semua nye... Almaklum lah.. budak baru merasa senang. Entah apa apa...

Luv

Today's

Final exam just around the corner and yet I am still fooling around. Geez! I couldn't focus on my revision while I am at home. It's something like magnet when I couldn't take away my sight from my laptop and tv. But I still need to do my revision. Final exam will begin next week, Monday. 

Here what I wanted to complain about is.. my college. WTF! I went to college admin office this morning, just to hand my photo for my student card. Can you all imagine, I've been joined the college for 1 semester and I still didn't get my student card or even student ID number. Not only that, I am so disappointed when one of the officer told me that my documentation lost, couldn't find. So that mean I have to fill up new form and prepare the same documents for their record. How would they didn't take serious on this matter?? I hasn't get my course offer letter from the college too. And embarrassing is they even covered their own mistake! That's mean I am un-recorded student for 1 semester! Kalau pasal duit cepat uh..But it's doesn't matter as long as there's no more problem after this. I don't expect any problem occur ok! 

Today's tasks quite ok lah.. as I was busier myself with my revision, in the office. Kinda tiring when you working in day time and study at night time. But at the same time, it's fun being student back. I like study, learning is good. As long as you study smart but not study hard. Muahhahaha!~ Ok Ginger! Back to study! Will be back again~

Luv

2nd post

I'm back! For 2nd post.. hmmm...what should I posting here. 

A piece of heart ...

I intro myself as a ginger lady. Why ginger? Well, very rare people using this nick right? So that was the first name crossed in my mind. Not to mention my real name here.. :p I'm 29 years old but mostly people will say I am 25. Cute looking face. Honestly speaking, I am doesn't look 29 years old lady. Don't jealous~ Anyway, thanks to God. I am proud to be myself, indeed. So no matter how is my life going on, I always smile.

I live in Miri, Sarawak. I am working person as a ..... (not to mention) at one of quite familiar company in Miri. But if I mention the name, I bet you can guess where is the company and know who I am. :p While working, I'm taking part time study too. I love study and being student. Fun wat..

What type of person I am? Hmmm... Simple yet cute. Likes to smile, laugh, acting cute naturally, friendly if you are friendly as me, mind my own things. Once you get to know me, you'll miss me all nite long. Ye deehh.. hahaha.. What I dislikes about? Hate hypocrite, hate liars, hate those who always look down on others. Hate those who thought they are so perfect. Simple, don't mess with me so you'll be in peaceful being a friend to me. 

Okie... until here then for today. Stay tune yea~

Luv

Introduction

Welcome ~

My introduction ;

Yes! I did created a blog for myself. A diary for everyone who keen to know about my expression and emotions, everyday. So far I have no idea what should I posting here as it's kinda late and my brain running out of battery. Need to charge and get back the energy so that I can post and share about my news of the day. 

Will be back soon. Stay tune yea ~

(Kinda dull uh...) 

Luv